Critical Investigation first draft: Learner response

Critical Investigation: first draft learner response


1) Type up your teacher comments from your first draft - these are your main targets that you must address.
WWW - Very good use of short, embedded quotes; well researched.
EBI - Introduction needs more of a thread to it. At the moment it jumps around too much and the different ideas aren't well linked.
- Don't include numbers in the bibliography, bullet point are ok.
- A more memorable conclusion is needed.


Peer Assessment EBI.
- In general the writing style is decent just a few punctuation needed to make point clear and concise.
- The vocabulary includes a few media terminology but definitely not enough to get the highest grade. Simple phrases like 'this is something...' could be changed to 'this is a representation...' Which highlights another way of linking it to the question of representation and also simple worlds link 'protagonist' instead of main character.
- There are a few areas where I could definitely add more footnotes especially when talking about theories.
- When it comes to writing style - I portray my ideas clearly however explaining my point in more detail and giving a lot more example could improve that.



- For key concepts I focus a lot more on representation which is a given for that is the main focus of my essay topic. However, this results in a lack of mentioning the rest of MIGRAIN especially for institution which is definitely a weak spot for me. I do mention a few things on narrative and allowed for a balance of descriptive and analytical comments.
- I need to include a lot more ideology as it would fit very well with my topic - especially when focusing on historical texts.
- Definitely need to mention Genre - specifically on how this affects representation and how a female protagonist subverts this.


- Wider context is not a strong point for me. I speak a lot on social context and less on the others. Despite the fact that I could definitely talk a lot more on the political contexts of the film. However, with this I risk of diverting away from the main question.
- One paragraph focusing on historical contexts. Zeitgeist mention 2-3 times.
- Could possibly talk more on the economic context in relation to Institution and considering how this did in box office, whether it was a success. Especially with Katniss being a dominant female character.


- A lot of focus on Representation and stereotyping as expected.
- Lacks the rest of the other critical debates.
- Could possibly look at globalisation in terms of institution and the release of the film and also link it to the digital revolution.
- Media effects - Theories like the hypodermic needle - are the audience passive or not.
                        - Two step flow model - link to JLaw and her influence.


- A lot on Gender, Semiotics.
- I need to add more audience and in general media theories. I leave it open for it to be mentioned for example Blumer and Katz when it comes to audiences diversion or surveillance. I need to mention the theories, rather than vaguely hinting at it through analysis, in order to get the highest marks.
- Could potentially talk about Marxism and hegemony and the status quo etc.
- Mention some Structuralism and post-structuralism theories but not as much as I could.
- Genre theories could be added to support ideas on genre.

2) Write what level/mark/grade you are aiming for in your second draft.
Level 4
42 - A

3) Write a numbered action plan of at least five things - ideally one for each of the eight EBIs you received in feedback in your Peer Assessment lessons - that you will do or change for your second draft that will help you get there. Be specific and explain in detail.

Quality of Writing
- Simple phrases like 'this is something...' could be changed to 'this is a representation...' Which highlights another way of linking it to the question of representation and also simple worlds link 'protagonist' instead of main character.
- explaining my point in more detail and giving a lot more example could improve that.

Key Concepts
- Focus on institution - Production company, what they are known for - types of films. Ideologies. etc.
- I need to include a lot more ideology as it would fit very well with my topic - especially when focusing on historical texts.
- Definitely need to mention Genre - specifically on how this affects representation and how a female protagonist subverts this.

Wider Contexts
I could definitely talk a lot more on the political contexts of the film. However, with this I risk of diverting away from the main question.- One paragraph focusing on historical contexts. Zeitgeist
This needs to focus on traditional representation and comparisons between texts and the time
- Mention economic context in relation to Institution and considering how this did in box office, whether it was a success. Especially with Katniss being a dominant female character.

Critical Debates
- Lacks the rest of the other critical debates.
- Could possibly look at globalisation in terms of institution and the release of the film and also link it to the digital revolution.
- Media effects - Theories like the hypodermic needle - are the audience passive or not. The two step flow model - link to JLaw and her influence.

Media Theories
- I need to add more audience and in general media theories. I leave it open for it to be mentioned for example Blumer and Katz when it comes to audiences diversion or surveillance. I need to mention the theories, rather than vaguely hinting at it through analysis, in order to get the highest marks.
- Could potentially talk about Marxism and hegemony and the status quo etc.
- Mention some Structuralism and post-structuralism theories but not as much as I could. - A lot more on theories like Propps character theories etc.
- Genre theories could be added to support ideas on genre.

Footnotes
- There are a few areas where I could definitely add more footnotes especially when talking about theories.
- A lot more Book Research - Go to the BFI film library again during the holiday to collect more research.